Its a struggle.
It really is.
Its crazy. I thought, "oh, I can do this. easily."
Wrong.
The fact is, is that smoking is apart of my life. And has been for so long, that its like learning to do things all over again. Not that I've been the most diligent individual about it.
3 cigarettes today.
but I did it some subway for lunch and fruit for a snack. healthy, healthy, healthy. kind of.
this is a bull shit post. sorry.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
jfox explains herself
This whole idea of healthy living has always eluded me. Sure, when I was younger I played sports and hit the gym, took vitamins and ate my leafy greens. Oh, did I mention this was the time when my parents still controlled most everything I did. And what happened you ask? Oh college.
But was it really colleges' fault?
I smoked my first cigarette at 13 and pretty much started smoking at 14, at least socially. This is when drinking became a normal thing as well. And now Im 20.
Six years. And I smoked pretty heavily my junior and senior years of high school, and freshman year of college it was like, "fuck yeah, Im 18 and free."
Avast, my lung capacity has greatly diminished as has my ability to justify five bucks a pack.
Also, I have completely stopped exercising, it feels like yesterday when my stomach was a lovely four pack. But it was sometime during the first half of senior year of high school when that flew out the window. And eating healthy? HA. Thanks Wright food court and C store for helping me to make healthy food choices. And my own lack of will power.
So here we are. Blogging and bitching about my poor lifestyle habits.
But if I am going to do this, we have to be honest. Or I have to. And there are a few things you will have to know about me if Im going to be conveying thoughts into the blogosphere.
Im sarcastic, awkward and have a sense of humor that even I don't fully understand.
Ill be honest with you, perhaps even cross the line, but not enough with myself.
The idea of vulnerability and exposing my layers, is frightening. So ill blog?
I have a carefree, laid back personality that gets swallowed in the life that I have led and what has come my way.
I am all to familiar with pain, disappointment, emptiness and fear.
So this is going to be an emotional journey as well. (unhealthy decisions and emotions go together?)
I don't deal with my past, which doesn't let you heal. So I carry footlockers on my shoulders daily. I have seen, heard and done things that no one should have to within themselves and within their family. Things one cannot understand without living them.
But here I am, strong, brave and unafraid of what life is going to give me. I have been through the worst and still standing on my own two feet.
It can be said that I have had one hell of a good time.
I know true beauty, happiness and love. And it wasn't found in the expected places, but in the most surprising, innocent ways.
I think Im funny, for a girl at least.
And Im thankful the genetic code blessed me with breasts.
This is a journey to physical and emotional peace that is long over due. I know who I am, this is no mumbo jumbo path to self discovery, but this will deepen my understanding of my character. This is for myself (perhaps a little bit for the man). But in no way to impress other females or attract deusch bags, so dont be confused. I will need support and understanding. And hope those who do actually read this, that they too share their stories and ideas.
But was it really colleges' fault?
I smoked my first cigarette at 13 and pretty much started smoking at 14, at least socially. This is when drinking became a normal thing as well. And now Im 20.
Six years. And I smoked pretty heavily my junior and senior years of high school, and freshman year of college it was like, "fuck yeah, Im 18 and free."
Avast, my lung capacity has greatly diminished as has my ability to justify five bucks a pack.
Also, I have completely stopped exercising, it feels like yesterday when my stomach was a lovely four pack. But it was sometime during the first half of senior year of high school when that flew out the window. And eating healthy? HA. Thanks Wright food court and C store for helping me to make healthy food choices. And my own lack of will power.
So here we are. Blogging and bitching about my poor lifestyle habits.
But if I am going to do this, we have to be honest. Or I have to. And there are a few things you will have to know about me if Im going to be conveying thoughts into the blogosphere.
Im sarcastic, awkward and have a sense of humor that even I don't fully understand.
Ill be honest with you, perhaps even cross the line, but not enough with myself.
The idea of vulnerability and exposing my layers, is frightening. So ill blog?
I have a carefree, laid back personality that gets swallowed in the life that I have led and what has come my way.
I am all to familiar with pain, disappointment, emptiness and fear.
So this is going to be an emotional journey as well. (unhealthy decisions and emotions go together?)
I don't deal with my past, which doesn't let you heal. So I carry footlockers on my shoulders daily. I have seen, heard and done things that no one should have to within themselves and within their family. Things one cannot understand without living them.
But here I am, strong, brave and unafraid of what life is going to give me. I have been through the worst and still standing on my own two feet.
It can be said that I have had one hell of a good time.
I know true beauty, happiness and love. And it wasn't found in the expected places, but in the most surprising, innocent ways.
I think Im funny, for a girl at least.
And Im thankful the genetic code blessed me with breasts.
This is a journey to physical and emotional peace that is long over due. I know who I am, this is no mumbo jumbo path to self discovery, but this will deepen my understanding of my character. This is for myself (perhaps a little bit for the man). But in no way to impress other females or attract deusch bags, so dont be confused. I will need support and understanding. And hope those who do actually read this, that they too share their stories and ideas.
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